Long Distance

James broke up with Emily after she took over the east coast of America and went on television showing pictures of the death ray

he had wanted to see if the long distance thing would work but she kept sending him these emails and writing about all these other guys and he figured out pretty quickly he’d have to move out there with her if he wanted them to stay together or she’d end up breaking up with him which would be way more painful than if he broke up with her

for three days he thought seriously about driving across the country and but then he started to think about transferring colleges and finding a new apartment and getting electricity disconnected and reconnected and changing phone numbers and making new friends and packing all his books into boxes and then carting them across the country and as he kept thinking and thinking moving got bigger and harder until it was practically impossible

it was a long-distance breakup and Emily cried a bit over the phone even though James said she understood everything he had said and agreed with all of it and they both felt shit but what can you do when one person lives on one coast of the country and the other lives on the other coast?

Step 1)

Write a script where key scenes can play out in three different ways. We have the happy version, the sad version and the dark version.

Step 2)

Film the movie, performing all variations of these key scenes.

Step 3)

Cut the movie together so you now have three versions.

Step 4)

Distribute the film to cinemas so some get the happy version, some get the sad and some get the dark. Keep it all secret.

Step 5)

Sit back and watch the delightful confusion.

–

Imagine you watched Matrix Revolutions on the weekend and you’re at work talking about it. Your film is about 85% the same as the film your co-workers watched at different cinemas.

“Man, I can’t believe how dark that ending was! Smith takes over the machine world and destroys everything and then there is only that tiny band of humans and those few robots left to rebuild everthing.”

“What? That’s not what happened. He saved everyone and he and Trinity were heroes.”

“But Trinity died and yeah he saved everyone but he died too.”

!

All the movie reviews would be different! Some would be praising the dark endings, some the happy endings. No one would know what was going on until people started to piece it together. Then the film would enjoy a resurgance of ticket sales as they go back to see the dark version or the happy version.

It would be an interesting split test too. Imagine the dark version gets way more ticket sales from the referring friends – then does that mean it was better?

The DVD would need all the key scenes on it and a way to select which version you wanted to watch.

The trick would be to write the scenes in such a way that the varied scenes appear throughout the film rather than only at the end.

What do people think?

James went down in a flurry of shots. Laying on the floor, incoherent, staring into nothing, he had two minutes of contemplating eternity before blackness overcame him.

Earl kicked him in the ribs, in a friendly way.

‘These college kids can’t hold their liquor,’ he said to his beer.

clank, drip, creak
the ghost of the robot crawls downstairs
we should have oiled him
he did beg most profusely

we thought it funny
those little creaks, the aching squeaks
his crying pleading
you’re wasting more oil, we told him, with those oily tears

he died he died he died
what do we care
we survived

how flippant and wrong
i see it now
cannot sleep, too afraid to peek
ghost of the robot crawls downstairs

just wearing black
don’t be stupid
i said don’t be stupid girl
how do you take all the b.s.

there’s a tight world
where it is appropriate
right black tight black
but not here, not now
don’t be stupid girl

Photo credit

From blhphotography

she spoke casually of her hundred lovers
surprised men were shocked by the count
to her they were like soapy showers
everyday, normal, nothing to note

she told her future husband
before she knew he would be so
and he hid his distaste
imagining a filled auditorium

rows of seats, filled with near naked men and boys
boxers, briefs, wrapped towels and socks half-off
and her, nude, standing before them
inviting

turns out those fearful tribes were right about the photographs
and the stealing of the soul

my spirit wants to say hello to you
cheeky little thing
wispy little light with a big voice
he lives in my shoe

My time with you was much like an extended drinking session.
Sure it was good at the time but now I’m just hungover and sick.